Closed Today for a Winter Storm (Texas Edition)

Today’s status: Closed.
Not remote. Not “pushing through.”
Closed.

Because Texas is once again experiencing the annual reminder that we are emotionally prepared for heat, not ice.

Every storm starts with someone saying, “It’s not that bad.”
That person is always wrong.

Up north, snow comes with plows and salt trucks.
Down here, we respond with bread shortages, weather screenshots, and pure optimism.

Optimism slides poorly on ice.

Offices don’t close because of fear.
They close because our roads turn into glass coffee tables and gravity becomes aggressive.

Could I technically work today? Sure.
I could also attempt to moonwalk to the mailbox.

Winter storms aren’t laziness. They’re common sense.

Final report:
Office: Closed
Roads: Questionable
Earl Grey: Hot
Texas drivers: Overconfident
Gravity: Thriving

We’ll reopen when the ice melts and Texans remember how brakes work.

Until then, stay warm, stay home, and stop impulse surfing/shopping on Amazon.

— Free-Range Advocate ❄️