Congressional Bingo
Things You Will Definitely Hear in Every Meeting
If you’ve ever walked into a congressional office — in person, on Zoom, or in the vaguely intimidating hallway outside the elevators — you’ve probably noticed something:
Every meeting sounds exactly the same.
Different offices.
Different staffers.
Different flags outside the door.
Same script.
In honor of the holidays — and because humor is a survival mechanism at this point — I present:
Congressional Meeting Bingo: The Advocate’s Edition.
Save however you wish (screenshot or turn it into a word doc) Whisper-laugh through your next meeting as you check the boxes one by one.
Square 1: “Thank you for coming in today.”
Translation:
“We have 12 minutes before the next group and no idea what you’re about to say.”
This line is the duct tape of congressional communication — it fixes nothing, but everything starts with it.
Square 2: “We’re tracking that issue.”
Ah yes. Tracking.
Somewhere in the office is a spreadsheet titled Issues We Are Allegedly Tracking But Have No Intention of Prioritizing Until Constituents Revolt.
Bonus points if the staffer’s face says they have no idea what “that issue” actually is.
Square 3: “The Congressman/Senator/Governor is very committed to helping veterans.”
This is said regardless of:
Their voting record
Their cosponsorship list
Whether they asked last week what DIC stands for
It is a mandatory phrase, like “thoughts and prayers,” but for legislative meetings.
Square 4: “Have you contacted the VA about this?”
Yes.
We contacted the VA.
We contacted them so many times that the hold music is now burned into our DNA.
But thank you for asking.
Square 5: “We’d love to look at your one-pager.”
Staffers love one-pagers the way combat arms soldiers love duct tape:
*It solves everything.
A good one-pager will travel further through Congress than a well-funded lobbyist.
Square 6: “We’ll take this back to the Congressman/Senator.”
Translation:
“This will be placed in a folder. That folder will go in a stack. That stack will be moved to a shelf. That shelf will be ignored until someone schedules a hearing.”
But hey — accuracy counts.
Square 7: “We’ll share this with our legislative director.”
A perfectly normal sentence that secretly means:
“We are escalating this. Probably. Maybe.
Okay, fine, we’re at least writing your name in the correct notebook.”
Square 8: “That’s a great point.”
Perfectly delivered.
Completely neutral.
Zero commitment attached.
This phrase works for:
Points that are actually great
Points they don’t understand
Points they don’t agree with
Points they forgot to write down
Bingo-worthy every time.
Square 9: “We’ll definitely follow up.”
Will they?
Possibly.
Potentially.
Hypothetically.
But when a staffer says “definitely,” what they really mean is:
“Please email us because our inbox is the Hunger Games.”
Square 10: “We’re aware of the issue.”
Awareness is the beige of congressional action.
It is technically something, but it matches nothing and goes with no meaningful progress.
“You’re aware of it” is code for “We hope you stop talking now.”
Free Space: The Staffer Who Looks Too Young to Rent a Car
This is not an insult.
This is a recognition of reality.
Capitol Hill is run by brilliant, exhausted, hyper-caffeinated twenty-somethings who carry more legislative responsibility than any of us are emotionally prepared for.
If they’re taking notes, you’re winning.
Bonus Square: The Polite Sprint
At the end of the meeting, you’ll see it:
The staffer stands up a little too quickly.
The handshake is brisk.
The smile is tight.
They are already mentally speed-walking to their next meeting, which started three minutes ago on another floor in another building.
This is the circle of life in DC.
Why We Need Congressional Bingo
Humor doesn’t trivialize advocacy — it sustains it.
When you spend months or years pushing for survivor benefits, toxic exposure recognition, DIC parity, or accountability hearings, the process can be exhausting.
Bingo helps you laugh your way through the repetition.
It reminds you that you’re not alone.
It reminds you that others have sat in the same chair, heard the same lines, and kept pushing anyway.
And if you’ve ever gotten a staffer to say something so real it doesn’t fit on the bingo card?
Congratulations.
That’s when you know you’ve made real progress.
Keep Showing Up — Bingo Card or Not
The bingo squares might be predictable, but your voice isn’t.
Every meeting matters.
Every story matters.
Every ask moves the needle.
Every follow-up forces accountability.
Congress may run on scripted politeness, but change runs on persistence.
So show up.
Speak up.
Bring your one-pager.
Bring your story.
Bring your determination.
And if you bring your bingo card?
Well…
that just means you understand the system a little too well.
