Friday the 13th

People joke about Friday the 13th.

They knock on wood.
They side-eye black cats.
They share memes about bad luck and horror movies.

I used to think it was funny.

Now I just think it’s interesting what people consider unlucky.

Because once you have buried your spouse, the calendar loses some of its power.

A date does not hold the same threat it used to.

You already met the thing that changes everything.

Redefining “Bad Luck”

Bad luck used to mean a flat tire.

A canceled flight.

A broken appliance.

Now bad luck looks different.

It looks like sitting at a kitchen table alone when there used to be two chairs pulled out.

It looks like managing finances you once shared.

It looks like being the decision-maker, the provider, the emotional anchor, and the contingency plan all at once.

Friday the 13th is not what rearranged my life.

Cancer did.
Military medicine did.

A square on a calendar is not the villain.

Loss is.

The Quiet Superstitions We Keep

There are small things I still catch myself doing.

Glancing at old photos longer than I meant to.
Replaying conversations in my head.
Wondering what advice he would give about something simple and ordinary.

Grief has its own rituals.

They are not dramatic.

They are quiet.

And sometimes they show up strongest on days that are supposed to be symbolic.

What Actually Feels Scary

If I am honest, the scariest part is not memory.

It is responsibility.

Being the sole provider.
Navigating unemployment.
Holding it together when it would be easier not to.

There is no soundtrack building suspense.

Just bills arriving on time.

Just job applications submitted into the digital void.

Just trying to balance strength with exhaustion.

Friday the 13th does not frighten me.

Instability does.

Uncertainty does.

The feeling that everything rests on your shoulders does.

The Part That Is Not Fear

But here is what I have learned.

Once you survive the unthinkable, superstition loses its grip.

You stop fearing numbers on a calendar.

You start focusing on what you can control.

You build routines.
You build resilience.
You build small moments of steadiness inside an unsteady world.

You keep going.

Not because you are fearless.

But because stopping is not an option.

A Different Kind of Courage

Maybe Friday the 13th is a reminder.

Not of bad luck.

But of perspective.

We all have days that feel heavy.

We all carry something invisible.

For military surviving spouses, the heaviest day has already happened.

The rest are just dates.

So today, if the internet tells you to beware of black cats and broken mirrors, I will quietly smile.

I have faced something far scarier than superstition.

And I am still here.