Somewhere on the internet, someone is wrong.
Possibly several people.
I understand this is troubling news, but I am beginning to accept that I cannot personally supervise all of them.
I have responsibilities. There are dishes. And somewhere in this house is something I put in a safe place that may never be seen again.
My participation in every available argument is going to have to be optional.
Caring Does Not Require a Comment
There seems to be an expectation that if you care about something, you will immediately issue a public statement.
You will share the post. Respond to the headline. Correct the stranger. Explain your position. Then explain why your explanation did not include seventeen other issues someone believes you should have addressed.
Silence becomes suspicious.
If you have not commented, do you even care?
Yes. Quite possibly.
You may be reading before speaking. You may be having a useful conversation somewhere that does not have a share button. You may be working, caring for someone, or trying to get through a difficult day.
You may also have looked at the discussion and reasonably concluded that nothing good was going to happen in there.
That is a judgment call I respect.
Some Conversations Are Worth the Effort
I believe in asking questions, correcting inaccurate information, and making room for disagreement.
Much of my advocacy depends on those things.
A productive conversation can help someone understand a policy, find a resource, or recognize a problem they had not considered. Sometimes it begins with a genuine question. Sometimes it begins with disagreement and improves because people are willing to listen.
I will make time for that.
But I have also seen discussions where a clear answer produces a new accusation, a source goes unread, and the original subject disappears somewhere around the fourth reply.
At that point, I have to consider what another paragraph will accomplish.
There are only so many ways to explain a sentence to someone who keeps arguing with a different one.
I Do Not Have to Attend Every Argument I Am Invited To
Being tagged in a post does not create a contractual obligation.
Neither does someone announcing that they would “love to hear my thoughts,” particularly when the surrounding comments suggest they would mostly love an audience.
I can decide whether I have the knowledge, time, and patience to contribute.
I can also decide that I have already said what I needed to say.
That last part takes practice.
There is a particular temptation to answer one more time because surely this next explanation will clear everything up. I can make it shorter. Find a better example. Add another source.
Occasionally, that works.
Other times, I have spent forty minutes composing a response for someone who has already moved on to accusing a different stranger of destroying the country.
I would like those forty minutes back. I could have eaten lunch.
Advocacy Requires Choices About Attention
There is always another issue deserving attention. Another family needing help. Another proposal to read. Another email to answer.
I cannot give all of them equal time, and pretending otherwise would make me less useful.
If I spend the morning defending my character to someone who has never met me, that time is unavailable for the work I meant to do.
That matters.
I want to consider where my attention can produce something useful. Sometimes a public response is worthwhile because other people are reading and need accurate information, even if the person arguing will never accept it.
Sometimes a private conversation offers a better chance of being heard.
Sometimes the best use of my time is closing the comments and finishing the email to the office that can actually address the problem.
I have to make those decisions with the energy I have available.
People Do Not Owe the Internet Their Entire Day
We rarely know what else someone is carrying when we demand their attention.
A person may have strong opinions and very little capacity to discuss them that afternoon. They may have spent the morning dealing with a benefits problem, an appointment, a job application, or a family responsibility.
They may simply want to look at a photograph of someone’s dog without being summoned to a debate.
That seems reasonable.
I would like us to leave a little room for people to participate without requiring them to be constantly available.
Someone can care deeply and still say, “I cannot get into this today.”
They should not have to submit supporting documentation.
I Can Leave a Conversation Unfinished
This may be the hardest part.
I like clear answers. I like resolving misunderstandings. I would prefer that people leave a conversation understanding what I actually said.
But I cannot always make that happen.
Someone may continue disagreeing. They may misrepresent my position after I have corrected it. They may declare victory because I stopped replying.
I can live with that.
The comments will remain there while I make dinner, handle my responsibilities, or spend time with someone I care about. My departure will not cause the internet to close early.
And if there is a useful question to return to later, I can return when I have the time to answer it properly.
Today, I Am Choosing Where to Spend My Energy
I will keep speaking about the issues that matter to me. I will keep asking questions, sharing information, and working with people who are willing to have a serious conversation.
I will also give myself permission to recognize when a discussion has run its course.
I do not need the final word in every thread. I need enough attention left for the people and responsibilities waiting outside it.
I can care without joining every argument.
And today, some of those arguments are going to have to proceed without adult supervision.
