The Promise That Must Be Kept: Ensuring Spouses Are Cared For
It’s not an easy subject to talk about, but it’s one we cannot afford to ignore. Every service member and veteran faces the stark reality that one day, their family may need to carry on without them. In that moment, the promises made by the Department of Defense (DoD) and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) matter more than ever.
For decades, our nation has told its military personnel: “We will take care of your family if the worst happens.” That promise is not just a talking point, it is the foundation of trust that allows men and women to put on the uniform and accept risks others cannot imagine. When a service member raises their right hand, they do so with the faith that their spouse will not be left behind in grief, isolation, or financial insecurity.
The Weight of the Promise
The VA’s original motto, taken from President Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address, was:
“To care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan.”
It has since been updated to reflect a broader commitment:
“To fulfill President Lincoln's promise to care for those who have served in our nation's military and for their families, caregivers, and survivors.”
Those words are not slogans. They are moral commitments. And for surviving spouses, they are lifelines that must be honored, not hollowed out.
Why Planning Is Morbid, But Necessary
Most families shy away from discussing wills, benefits, and end-of-life planning. For veterans and military families, these conversations are especially heavy. But failing to plan doesn’t protect a spouse from hardship, it makes it worse. Too many surviving spouses find themselves buried under paperwork, denied benefits due to technicalities, or forced into financial precarity while still grieving an irreplaceable loss.
This isn’t just about paperwork; it’s about dignity. When a veteran dies, their spouse should not have to wage another battle—this time against the very system that promised to protect them.
Where the DoD and VA Must Do Better
The DoD and VA must recognize that survivor care is not a side mission, it is central to the military covenant. This means:
Clear, Accessible Benefits: Survivors should not need a law degree or a congressional advocate to understand or access the benefits promised to them.
Parity with Federal Standards: Military widows and widowers deserve the same financial protections as federal civilian employees’ surviving spouses. Anything less is inequity.
Respect in Implementation: Benefits delayed, denied, or diminished are benefits stolen. Processing claims quickly and fairly is not a luxury; it’s a moral obligation.
Acknowledgment of Sacrifice: Spouses sacrifice alongside the service member—through deployments, relocations, career limitations, and caregiving. When the service member dies, the system must honor both their service and the family’s sacrifice.
The Bottom Line
Veterans often make sure their gear is squared away, their will is in order, and their comrades are trained to cover the mission. But too often, ensuring their spouse is cared for falls through the cracks, or is undermined by a system unwilling to follow through.
The military community doesn’t ask for charity. It asks for the fulfillment of a contract: that those left behind will be given stability, security, and respect. Veterans need to plan, yes, but the DoD and VA must also keep their end of the bargain.
The promise was simple, and it remains unchanged: to care for those who served, and to care for their widows, families, caregivers, and survivors. Anything less is a betrayal of trust.
