You Might Be a Military Spouse If…
A Love Letter to the Chaos Coordinators of Military Life
There are certain things you can only understand if you’ve lived the military-spouse life.
Things that defy logic, break physics, and violate multiple known laws of scheduling.
And so, in the grand tradition of Jeff Foxworthy — but with more sarcasm, more caffeine, and more acronyms — here is the definitive list:
Military spouses are a rare breed.
Part crisis manager, part therapist, part logistics coordinator, part human duct tape.
in honor of you — here is
You Might Be a Military Spouse If…
**1. You Can Pack an Entire Household in 48 Hours…
But Lose Your Boots on the Way to the Car**
PCS muscle memory? Olympic level.
Everyday organization? Pure chaos.
You know exactly which box your winter gear is in from three moves ago,
but your keys?
Your phone?
Your shoes?
Gone.
Lost to the universe.
2. Your Calendar Looks Less Like a Schedule and More Like a Classified Document
Drill weekends.
TDYs.
Field time.
342 versions of a “tentative” timeline.
Your calendar isn’t color-coded —
it’s encrypted.
3. You’ve Had a Full Emotional Meltdown in the Commissary
Sometimes it’s the produce section.
Sometimes it’s the cereal aisle.
Sometimes it’s that one person blocking the only brand of coffee that keeps you functional.
And honestly?
You earned that meltdown.
4. You Celebrate Holidays on Whatever Day the Military Allows
Christmas on the 22nd?
Sure.
Thanksgiving on a Tuesday?
Fine.
Anniversary moved three times because of “training”?
Add it to the scrapbook.
Military spouses don’t follow the calendar.
The calendar follows them — badly.
5. You Know the Deployment Curse Is Real
If it can break during deployment, it will.
The car.
The sink.
The roof.
The dog.
Your will to live.
Deployment bingo always hits blackout first.
6. You’ve Had Conversations Like:
“Where are you?”
“…No, like where geographically?”
Because the Army thinks “somewhere” is a valid location.
7. You Have at Least One Box Labeled “Miscellaneous” (and even after you get out, years later you are still finding those little stickers the movers used)
PCS boxes contain:
random cords
mystery objects
47 pens
your child’s birth certificate
possibly the meaning of life
You will never open it.
It will follow you forever.
**8. You’ve Mentally Rehearsed the Knock —
Or You’ve Survived It**
This is the line between humor and truth.
Military spouses laugh loudly, cope quietly, and carry certain fears that never fully leave.
Some have lived through the worst day imaginable.
Some have supported friends who did.
This community holds joy and grief with the same set of hands.
9. You Are the Unpaid, Unacknowledged, Absolutely Essential Backbone of Every Unit
Who runs the fundraisers?
Who organizes the meals?
Who keeps families informed?
Who does the emotional triage?
Who maintains stability in a life that refuses to be stable?
You.
And half the time, no one even remembers your name.
**10. You Laugh Instead of Cry…
And Sometimes You Do Both at the Same Time**
Because humor is survival.
Because the chaos is relentless.
Because the system is ridiculous.
Because love is the only reason any of us stay sane.
You might be a military spouse if:
you’ve learned to pivot mid-sentence
you can do crisis management in your sleep
you carry trauma and tenderness together
you build community like it’s a superpower
you love fiercely, serve quietly, and endure more than anyone realizes
Military spouses don’t wear rank, but they carry the weight of it — every day, every move, every deployment, every homecoming, every loss.
You belong to a community defined not by perfection, but by resilience, grit, humor, and heart.
And if you read this and saw yourself?
You’re doing better than you think.
You’re stronger than you know.
And you deserve far more credit than the world will ever give you.
